I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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