I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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