I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize