someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
