Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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