what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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