I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
