apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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