Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
