i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
