i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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