So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize