i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
