I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
