That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
