I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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