omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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