She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
