he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
