i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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