I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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