last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
