you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize