I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
