Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
