I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
vagina is talking i cant
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
