My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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