Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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