all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
