Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
