I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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