Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This house was built for laser tag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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