Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
