Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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