do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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