that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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