my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
