discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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