I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
