We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
