Plan B is the new Plan A
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
