Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
