i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize