no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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