people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
