Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
