you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
