I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
