The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
