Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
