in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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