Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
