she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
