and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
