I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
