took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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