??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
