You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
