My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
