I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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