That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
