when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
