i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
