Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
