Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
