I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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