just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just threw up on my dentist
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
