He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
