If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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