I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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