the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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