youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
