the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
