Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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