Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize