YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
