Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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