when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
