Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
