Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
