Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
