i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
