talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
