I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Farmville is her only friend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
