hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
