I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize