You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
