If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
