she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
