We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
