i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
