last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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