Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
