There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
