Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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