Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
