On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
