I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
