just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize