Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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