I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
