Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
