i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
