ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
