Cold hands, warm shart.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
