I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
