pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she smelled like a LAN party
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
