fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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