9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
