Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
