When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
