he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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