She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
