p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
